There are many times I have thought about posting on here over the last few months, but then things get hectic and I forget or the moment passes. Contrary to the emotions mentioned here, things are not all bad, and they are not all hard. Sometimes, I think of people who have just one or two kids, or even more kids than me without any special needs and think “What a piece of cake.” And I know everyone has their struggles, but there are just times that what we deal with seems to be “bigger than all of us” (to quote someone at my son’s school).
Here are some of our frustrations right now:
*behavior spiraling out of control and the minimal amount of speaking our son does being reduced to shrieks at the slightest bit of his own frustration
*needing outside therapy to attempt to get ready for kindergarten
*insurance coverage taking forever to go through for ABA therapy (as in 12 weeks!) only to find out the coverage isn’t what we hoped and we aren’t starting before the new year
*my birthday (which is already often forgotten by many due to Thanksgiving proximity) being eclipsed by a meltdown
*messes created, things destroyed
Yet in all of this, we are still thankful. There was a local news story recently about a severely autistic boy getting services cut by insurance who said he had probably progressed as much as he ever would. At the time, I thought we were getting therapy covered, so I was just sympathetic, but now feel more empathy at the out of pocket costs (ours won’t even come close to this family’s) and their struggles with the severity of their son’s autism. Even though it is painful to say, we are thankful that our own child doesn’t have that severe type of ASD. We are thankful that he can communicate, even though it isn’t always with the words he knows. We are thankful that we have a large family support system who love him and keep trying to interact with him when they see him (or clean up red velvet cupcakes he threw and stomps into white carpet).
Some days (or even some moments) are easier than others to be thankful, and many times in my (or my husband’s) frustration I have to try and remember that it’ll pass. But, I am especially thankful for times when things are easy since parenting sometimes isn’t, having 3 kids sometimes isn’t either, and raising a child with autism rarely is. They are like flashes of light and most appreciated of all.