Tag Archives: concern

Emotions #18 and 19: Concern and Guilt

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Summer has been insane so far.  I remember the kid-free days of getting a zillion library books and devouring as many as I could throughout the time off school (which was also my work for nearly a decade).  This summer, we are filled with appointments, therapy, camp, swimming, parks, and family time.  I filled up my gas tank 4 days ago and have driven over 150 miles just shuttling between camp, therapy, and appointments.

With all this busyness going on, we have started to feel concerned that we are putting too much on a child who is barely over 5 years old.  He is exhausted,  we are exhausted, and there is still so much that needs to be accomplished.  We tacked on therapy sessions after camp hours all this week and next.  So, all week, we have sent our son to special needs summer camp from 9-3, picked him up and gotten to him therapy by 3:30 to stay til 5.  Camp has been amazing.  Therapy this week has been ROUGH.  Sleep has also been a little off.  When he is so worn down, his sleep patterns tend to be more erratic.  So, how much is too much?

There’s also all the time he is away.  He gets dropped off and I feel so happy for him to be in a place he’s happy to go to, and I think of all the fun things he will do that day.  Then the guilt creeps in.  I feel horrible guilt that the other 2 kids and I have been able to do fun activities while he’s been gone at camp or therapy.  Yes, he has fun at both of those places (for the most part), but I wish I were able to just have all of my kids home and do fun things together.  He doesn’t want to go to the pool we joined, so we do that while he’s away.  His diet is gluten free, so the rest of us went to a strawberry festival and got shortcakes because he wasn’t around.  We went to the zoo and didn’t have to stand and watch the fish for a million minutes.  I miss him in those fun moments and feel guilty that he isn’t getting a regular summer.  But, truth be told, it is certainly easier to go places (whether fun or errands) when there are only 2 tiny bodies to worry about.  There’s 6 weeks til school starts and I keep telling myself this will be worth it.